I know there has been silence from the skittles team for the past few weeks, but those in the know have known to keep up to date with the comings and goings on the ‘other website’, and yes they’ve also been able to keep track of some other scores!

So let’s bring you all up to date with the 3 recent league matches;

First up was the home game against The Allsorts, and the new sticker-upper! Another win! 160-135

Then came the away match at Piling vs’s Ev’s Erratics, but where was everyone? Hang on who’s this coming through the door..... The Pump! Would you believe it another win, 187-168.

As soon as Neddy Snr starts talking about league glory, bang! Back down to earth, as we’re given a skittling lesson by girls in comfy shoes as the fish fingers take their toll! 154-164, normal service resumes!

ALLSORTS
The game vs the Allsorts was a quite affair, and not much was taken in the way of fines, however Village and Windy did manage to claim over 50% of the total fines pot. Village, as always was late! (Since when have 2nd XV hookers trained???), but to make matters worse he came in on his mobile and then shushed the Fine Master, tut tut tut! Oh and when he played he played there was one case of ‘less than 3 (3>’). £3.20 thank you young sir!

Windy, puffing and blowing plus sporting a fine pair of shorts and flip flops produced the only gutter ball, yes TWCWEHIII was hiding, sorry resting, after last week’s massive fine!

All in all a quite game, apart from when Spicer and Bob were having a chat, speak up we can’t hear you!

EV’S ERRATICS
This could have been a VERY bad night at the office, first up a team of VERY old ladies and 2 seasoned pros, but our biggest issue was lack of players!

7.55 – Neddy Jnr – This week’s El Capitan as Billy was on another holiday.

7.58 – Neddy Snr – They can’t travel together, insurance purposes – plus who would run the Combination?

7.59 – The Hour – By the skin of his glossy white Simon Cowell like teeth, but who’s this riding shotgun in the van..........The Pump! A welcome return! But is he talking to Village???? And has he added any further members to his family in the close season????

8.00 – No one else, 8.10 – Still no one, 8.15 – crisis meeting. Neddy Jnr is allowed to use his phone, the 999 call reaches Monty Carlo where Billy is doing the banking. We’ve only got 4, SOS! It turns out that Jim Cooke and Whispering Ray are lost and have been trying to call but to avoid fines no one had been taking their calls’. Jim must have been very lost, 8.50 he turned up!!!!

OK these guys made sure they got there, yes they were late but they got there! Where was TWCWEHIII???? A message had been relayed via the reception of the Monty Carlo Casino, The Chairman will not be attending tonight’s match as he’s too tired! OK no Chairman, don’t worry the Hon Treasure will be there, however Jimmer had a message from Ken, ‘F%@& Um’ I’m not playing!!!!!!!

But the main thing is we had a side, we started with 4 and received a barrage of abuse from the Old Ladies, and The Hour with his X-Factor good looks was on the receiving end of most of it! To be fair we only needed 4, Neddy Snr and The Hour produced a record opening stand of 76, and that set the tone for the night, a welcome return from The Pump produced a 36 and Jimmer despite the 2 hour commute a sound 31. Whispering Ray a 26 and Neddy Jnr playing on one foot just 18.
Just as the match was drawing to a close Ken turned up! He wanted to play really!

There was a splendid fine collection even if Neddy Snr got a little angry with his off-springs desire to ‘Double Up’ wherever he could. So a fine collection of £25.50 was made from just 7 players! Once that message was relayed back to Mr Weare, he contacted his travel agent who is now looking into a trip to Indian for the end of season curry!

The highlight of the fines was Neddy Jnr - £4.50 – Not informing the opposition of our players, poor book keeping, Duck x2, a booking error and showing off. Plus The Hour who was caught repeatedly showing off and boosting about his 39, he even told one of the Old Ladies ‘we gave you a good drubbing!’

SWANMOOR
Once again the side came unstuck but the curse of the comfy shoes! From the outset Saints were never in the game. The baggy jeans and hoodies gave us a skittling lesson, showing no interest in playing the Swanmoor players picked up ball after ball and just let go. Smash, smash, smash, time and time again, and half the time they weren’t even looking where they were bowling!

A change in game plan, Mr Weare produced the post match food after the first up, but the fish fingers and chips just played into the hands of Swanmoor. The Saints now found their balls to greasy to hold and as a result failed to register a ‘Clap’, the girls on the other hand had no problems!

So why did we lose? The greasy finger again points in the direction of TWCWEHIII, last week he was too tired, the week before resting after the massive fine, this week where he was??? It turned out he was holding a meeting to sort out the Greek Debit Crisis, some say that the Crisis has been added to in recent week by a holiday for the Hon Tres, but it turns out that Phelper, Brewer, Merkel and Sarkozy have resolved the issue.

However there is also a call to point the finger at The Selection Committee, The Old Comrade has since put his hands up and now refuses to suggest the playing order.
The top fine this week went to Puffer Gallagher, his biggest crime, showing offer – A Gallagher trait, he was heard to have said, ‘we lost but I was still the top scorer’ & ‘ ‘if Matt played we would have won’! Oh hang on John what’s this I see in the book? A duck – 50p!

Season Highlights
Highest Stand – 76 (Neddy Snr & The Hour)
Highest Score – 39 (The Hour)
Lowest Stand – 48 (TWCWEHIII & Our Phil)
Lowest Score – Score – 18 (Neddy Jnr)
Biggest Fine - £7.50 (TWCWEHIII)

Coming Up
The All-In Cup
Where’s the scorebook?
What does Sid do at the RFU?
Where’s Kipper?
Live video action and analysis
And finally news on the Christmas challenge from the Ladies side.