Castaways vs The Saints

Following last weeks rest week the Saints travelled to a damp and dark Piling to take on The Castaways. The team travelled full of heart and joy following news on the wires that the Ladies team had won, check out the website for a match report.....no not this one...the other one!

Unfortunately the side were split up from the travelling supporters, the supporters had arranged a pre match meal, excellent value I understand. They were treated to a feast at the KFC at Cribbs, just £4.99 per head for three courses and a coke....Great Value don’t you think!?!

Upon entering The Fox the gloomy and Arctic conditions hit the side and Phelper (TWCWEH III) was instantly concerned with the state of the alley and the fact we were about to take on a Ladies team, could this be the curse of the knitting needle!

This was no ordinary ladies team, in fact it was a very feisty WI side. Some of the younger members of the team were sledged by these so called ladies, and at one stage we were lucky that things didn’t kick off between Old Man Gallagher and their captain. John was enraged by ‘Our Matthew’ being intimidated on the alley and these ladies questioning his lack of control around the rear end.

Would the side be put off by the pumping sounds of DJ Knit one parcel one? Would Gally rise to the challenge of scoring 35 and then go home for the hour? Would Phelper cost us the game again?

Anyway Mr A W Weare Esq selected his starting pair of Jim Cooke Jnr and Alan ‘Horse Whisperer’ Rawlings, now both players has missed the first week of the season, and were a little undercooked heading into this high octane fixture. Things didn’t start well for the pair as Jim was told when to play, just plain tardy in my book! Then Alan from nowhere swore in front of the WI. Despite this early set back the pair got use to the alley and the hostel atmosphere to forge a early advantage, Jim showing the form of a lad who was educated in a public house paced a fine knock and returned with a score of 28, even after failing to score more than 3 on one up (that’s 20p – motion passed by Mr Tucket pre match). Alan however had the case of ‘a left hander’s graveyard’ and was slightly put off by his opposite number who executed a fine display of spinning before bowling....showing off in my book! The Whisperer nudged 21 as the pair scored 49 and a lead of 9 from the first leg.

Unfortunately the first pairing was marred by an incident involving the sticker up-er, who tripped and head butted the pins. The Hour stepped up as replacement until the sticker up-ers father could be found to administer first aid and act as a replacement. However a second ugly sticking up incident was not far away, The Hour thinking of his later sticking upher challenge was conserving strength and his not have enough in the guns to roll 3 balls back to the players.

Next up The Hour and Neddy, Mr A W Weare Esq, selecting a youthful second pairing and around half the age of their opposite numbers. The youth policy worked wonders as the pair were relentless in their scoring despite the verbal bashing from the WI. The WI asked for ducks Gally returned with an 8! The WI asked Neddy ‘how tall are you young man?’ He returned unfazed with another 8! As The Hour approached his first target of 35 a hush descended across the alley, smash another 8 and the big man returns a fine score of 39, a season’s best for the Saints. (Now for his second challenge.....). Neddy dovetailed in behind with a steady 31, the double clap for the second pair!

The pairing was again marred this time by some unsportsmanlike showboating from The Hour, after completing his 39, he walked back down the alley with his hands held high, before embracing his dad. Neddy in another unsportsmanlike manor chucked down a bouncer, TWCWEH III reminded him that that was his one for the over. The pair pulled a further 9 pins.

With 4 players remaining the skipper was left with a tough decision on who to play in the final leg, would it be Old Man Gallagher, our professional The Old Comrade, himself or even TWCWEHIII? In a moment of utter maddens the pairing was shouted out........TWCWEH III and the Old Comrade!!!! What the F£(K???? You could see fear in the Saints eyes, is Phelper going to cost us another game??? Old Man Gallagher was far from happy, and that would cost him later.

Would 18 pins be enough? Could the Old Comrade carry his partner? How many gutter balls would Phelper bowl? The answers to these questions and many many more can be found at Kipperpedia. www.kipperpedia.com

Let me give you the good news the WI had no answer for the team pro as the Old Comrade recorded a fine 34, however the camp was nervy and rightly so as TWCWEH III bowled a 1,2 and another 1 from 3 ups, then he bowl not just 1 nor 2 nor 3 but 4 gutter balls. At this stage Old Man Gallagher was fuming, he had that Saturday look about him! But the good news is 4 gutter balls is £7.50 in fines! Then from nowhere a 7, a 5 and then a strike! Phelper scores 25 and the Saints win by 24 pins. 179 vs 155.

The side retired to the bar for a light snack of prawn crackers, The Hour made a quick getaway as he was on the clock, but not before the fines were collected.

JC – Tardiness – 20p, Less than 3 – 20p
AR – Swearing – 20p, Late on alley – 20p, Less than 3 – 20p, Texting Sid – 50p, For saying he was texting Sid (stupidity) – 20p, Striking the Chairman – 30p
MG – Showing off (score of 39) – 50p, Less than 3 – 20p
IR – Unsporting behaviour – 50p
JT – Showing off (taking out the middle pin) – 50p, Less than 3 – 20p
JG – Sourer grapes – 60p
AW – Booking error – 50p, Not knowing the name of the opposition – 50p
MJ – Village was away with work and sent his apologies, creeping - 50p, Being away – 50p
PP – Stay with me here...Calling Matt jammy, unsporting – 20p, Swearing – 20p, Less than 3 – 20p, Less than 3 again – 20p, Less than 3...again – 20p, Gutter ball 1 – 50p, Gutter ball 2 - £1, Gutter ball 3 £2, Gutter ball 4 £4, finally showing off for scoring 9 - £1

Fines and match fees totalled £26.70 – outgoings Nil – Seasons tally £43.90

The team would like to thank Phelper for this week’s contribution and look forward to him playing again next week.

Next week;

We take a closer look at that other website.

The supporters review the KFC pre match meal – read King review KFC vs. Subway

News from Kippers walk.

Ask Bridgeman – John gives his top tip on winter heating bills

Player profiles.

And what happened in the second half of the Gally Challenge!